Enough: Contentment with Marriage and God

Enough

I watch her toddle, grabbing the nearby coffee table for balance. Dressed in polka dots and tights, her outfit is almost as cute as she is. She looks up at me with big brown eyes and reaches for my hand.

Oh, I want one.

My husband claps for her and makes faces to see her smile. Our eyes meet. He’s thinking the same thing I am.

And that’s where it starts. The cycle. My contentment evaporates in the yearning for the blessings I believe God will give me. After all, God’s Word says children are a gift, right? I also remember reading something about having faith and anything we ask… So, if I believe enough, wait long enough, am faithful enough…God will gift us with a child and everything else I’m waiting on. We’ll live happily ever after.

Randy and I have had many conversations concerning children. In many ways, nothing has changed. One thing has changed, though. God has shown me, through my marriage, I don’t deserve the blessings He gives me.

For so many years, I longed for “the one.” I asked what was wrong with me that I hadn’t found him yet. In the meantime, I found one mistake after another. I couldn’t see until after Randy came into my life I never deserved him. He’s a gift God has given me.

Gift. Meaning I didn’t do anything, or give anything, to earn him. I’ve forgotten that until now. A child is a gift. Undeserved. As is anything else God chooses to bestow.

Here I am, just moving on to the next thing on my list when I spent years praying for my husband. I amaze myself sometimes. Randy is a good man. He’s more than I ever dreamed of in so many ways.

It’s time to show him he’s enough. By enjoying our moments together now, in the moment, and by showing him my contentment with him and our life, I implicitly tell him I love him and our marriage. I can’t have my head always in the future or in what I want for us.

What’s more, it’s time to show my God’s enough.

Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. Psalm 46:10 (ESV)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5 (ESV)

Have you ever read the account of the Israelites’ time in the desert? The complaining has always gotten to me. God saves them from slavery. He provides for their every need. Yet they take every opportunity to grumble.

They were punished, too. Their grumblings showed lack of trust, hard-heartedness, and ungratefulness. They were never content.

I’m usually filled with a sense of scorn when reading those accounts, but I’m the same. Just like the Israelites when they accused Moses and Aaron of trying to kill them in the desert, I focus on what I don’t have. I lose sight from where I’ve come and all God has done. The solution is here for me as it was for them so long ago. Either I believe Him or I don’t. Either I take Him at His Word, or I don’t.

Scripture says:

"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. John 14:15

 Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world Philippians 2:14-15

Complaining only shows unbelief. Yes, there are plenty of references in Scripture to have faith and believe, but God isn’t a genie in a bottle. He isn’t going to grant my wish if I believe enough. I don’t hold the power here. I can’t make Him do anything. The real question is do I trust Him even when I don’t get my way?

Answer: My GOD is enough.

—–

What about you? Do you find yourself getting caught up in the “wants” of your life? Feel free to share in the comments.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Enough: Contentment with Marriage and God

  1. Ashley, I love this…your transparency about your life, how you have relied on God even when often it does not make sense is beautiful to watch. Those who have the kind of faith like yours knows the reward is in His time & often the reward is not what we expect, but ALWAYS the best for us. Like instructed in Psalms 46; 10,… Be still. I am so happy that you have found the real source of joy. This makes me so happy! You have within you real power to live in this wicked world in real peace. I look forward to more of your blogs!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s